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What Happens if a Toddler’s Trauma Is Buried Beyond Conscious Memory

What would be the life experience of an adult whose toddlerhood had been torn apart before the dawning of her conscious awareness?

No physical marks.
No clues.
No memories of the abuse.
And no knowledge of the abuser.

The child grows up oblivious to the abuser’s existence and believes she knows everything about her past. All she has are recurring psychological experiences that she believes are ‘normal’ for she has known no different.

I can answer this question for I have lived through toddlerhood trauma.

Books by Madeleine Watson
Read the full story in my published memoirs.

The Diaries I Kept Without Knowing the Truth

Between 1977 and 1988, I kept a diary — completely unaware of what had happened to me as a toddler.
What could such a diary possibly reveal?
The answer shocked me.
Beneath the surface of ordinary teenage life were sinister messages I couldn’t see at the time — patterns, symbols, and emotional fractures that only made sense decades later.

symbolic pen drawing of tortured cats' faces by Madeleine Watson 1984
Artwork from 1984, created during my time at art college, also carried clues I couldn't see. I was 19.

The Secret Diaries of an Identical Twin

My diaries describe my final years at school, my years at college, university and marriage. Being the carrier of horrors within my subconscious, I was forever diverting myself in order to run away from something without a name. I took part in countless creative projects including fiction writing, painting and others. It was my creative outpourings that eventually got the message through and caused me to examine my diaries. They cover: 

My senior years at school
Art college
University
And my early marriage

Why I Created This Blog 

The aim of this blog is to share with you how I came to uncover the truth about my toddlerhood and what my diaries have revealed.

Due to the nature of this blog, I have had to change names in order to protect identities and I am writing under a pseudonym.

If you’re new here, the best place to begin is with the articles below.

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Prologue: The Beliefs I Held Before Discovering the Truth About My Toddlerhood

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