My Lost Toddlerhood

In 1976, during the big summer drought, I wrote one of my first full‑length stories: Higreaves . I was ten years old. I shared a crowded bedroom with my identical twin, Eve. Our creativity often spilled into stories, drawings, pantomimes and games. But something is terribly wrong with ‘ Higreaves ’ (not of the common spelling, Hargreaves). Higreaves forms a window into a sinister corner of my subconscious. To something I mustn’t see. This post explores my strange story, imagery, and what it says about my early childhood. For this is what fuelled my story. My toddlerhood to be precise.   Drawing reconstructing the story. Everyone is wearing masks and falling unconscious. Image right shows the original document. A Childhood Story about a Real Event Higreaves is set in a “park,” I can now see it was really our garden. The lamppost, the laurel tree, the lawn — all can be found in my garden. It’s not a park at all. The story opens with a ‘Mr Jenesy’ sweeping the ‘park’. A passer‑by call...

Growing up as an identical twin in a crowded cottage in Seventies England shaped my world. Eve (my mirror image twin) and I were born in 1965. She was right‑handed, and I am left. For years we shared a bedroom, sometimes with other siblings. Our twinship was a buffer against my childhood chaos: Dad’s mental illness, poverty, and the volatile atmosphere that hung over the house. And yet, creativity flourished. Having younger siblings and niblings, I had an audience for my stories and pantomimes. My diaries testify of spending time in the playhouse, sitting on the swing, and inventing mysteries. Nan’s (maternal) visits brought stability, against the ructions that often broke out. My First Diary: 1977 and the Birth of My Inner World In 1977, I began writing in a small blue Letts’ Schoolgirl’s Diary. The pages were tiny but tell a lot about a child who hated school and often zoned out in a fantasy world. That diary marks the beginning of my lifelong documentation — and the evolution of my ...